Special shout out to all the first time moms out there! Another special shout out to moms of multiple children that range in toddler years! Let me not forget the moms of multiples, triplets, quadruplets, etc.! Wait, l can’t forget the single moms! We also have to shout out those moms working to develop careers and maintain home! And, what about those moms who thought they were done parenting, but God decided to bless them with another little one – 10 to 15 years after their last child. The point is, the list can go on and on with the different lifestyles that a lot of moms are working within while trying to raise the next generation.
We all know this, and we are all aware of the fact that we are all working with different situations. So, where does the mom judgment and shaming come from? We are all doing the best we can out here, right? But, for some reason some moms feel the need to make comment on how other moms are out here just trying to survive! Trust me, I see you moms out there! I know some of you are really hanging on by that last chicken nugget your kid didn’t eat! And, I support you!
There! I said it! I support you! How hard is it to show, in our actions and words, support? It isn’t very hard, but time after time we judge instead of supporting. I remember talking to another mom about my process for making our daughter’s food. And, as soon as I started going into detail about how I pick fresh organic veggies and fruits from the store to puree, the subtle eye roll happened. Now, I understand that it sounds so extreme to go through that process for some moms. I also understand that time is not on your side when you are doing this. I can recall the many nights up making food for our baby, and wishing I could let go of the need I felt to make our little one’s food. Reality took care of that for me. I took a more demanding job, and the days/nights of making fresh pureed foods went out the door. I settled for the best organic brands I could buy. Then, I settled on the best rated brands organic or not. Now, I am thankful if she decides she likes chicken enough to eat some frozen Tyson Anytizer’s. Don’t judge, Tyson does wonderful things with chicken. And, Publix is always making my life so easy with the buy one get one on Tyson and Purdue products. But, back to the eye roll. My dialogue about my process for Leyah was in no way a jab or dig at the other mom. The reality was that I was tired as all get out doing all that I was doing – working full time, and caring for our home. If she had even given me the chance to finish talking before her eye roll, I would have went on to ask her about what she does to make sure her family is fed. And, I would have gladly welcomed some new suggestions. You see, I am a first time mom. We all know that first time moms do the most. It’s only because we think we have to, and because the judgement is real. I didn’t need an eye roll that day. I needed some support, and I needed a mom secure enough in her parenting skills to say, it’s ok.
Support means saying, “it’s ok.” Those words mean so much to a mom who is suffering from whatever unrealistic expectations that some magazine or baby expert site have put in her head as the only way to ensure your child is perfect in every way. It’s easy to judge, but hard to accept. You see, saying, “it’s ok,” means that we accept whatever is being said or done. It’s ok, means that I may not carry my infant in a Moby wrap, but I accept and appreciate the moms that do. Those children may grow up to be the true lovers and peacemakers of the world. It’s ok, means that I may not let my child cry it out, but I accept the mom who does.
Truth is, every mom needs to hear “it’s ok,” you’re awesome,” you are enough,” you’re doing a great job,” and any other supportive phrase you can think of. Even if we don’t all agree on the how, we all agree on the outcome. The only outcome most of us are expecting is that our children feel loved. It’s ok to show love in different ways, and it’s ok if we don’t all agree, but it’s not ok to shame another mom for simply trying to love the best way she knows how. Next time you talk to that new mom, check yourself. Are your words, tone, and body language supportive; or are you passing judgement?
I got the inspiration for this post from a post from Parents Magazine (Found Here). I will leave you all with this wonderful video from Similac. Please watch it until the end. It will not be a waste of time.