Wednesday = hump day, and I am desperately trying to make it over that hump! I was doing my usual browsing on social media earlier and I kept coming across this: #wcw. This week I’ve seen a number of women posting themselves as their own #wcw. I thought this was silly at first, but then I realized that sometimes (if not all the time) you have to be your own “woman crush.”
I went through years of my life not feeling as though I was beautiful. Its tough to go through a period of your life feeling as if you are less than others, because you don’t have long hair; you have a little extra weight; or your clothes aren’t as stylish. I didn’t feel like I every truly fit in anywhere. Don’t get me wrong, I had friends. But, I still felt insecure about so many things. Life definitely changed for me. I have a husband who loves me, and a wonderful daughter.
I developed an eating disorder during the last part of my high school years. I was bulimic, and it wasn’t pretty. In fact, it was kind of confusing… I think some people wondered how I could still be heavy, but have an eating disorder. It just didn’t seem to make sense. Well, real talk, fat girls can have eating disorders too! That’s not something to be proud of, but society often associates anything surrounding bulimia or anorexia with skinny women. I remember someone telling me it was OK for me to not eat or throw up my food, because I had so much fat and could stand to lose the weight. Hearing things like that make body issues harder to deal with.
I dreaded my bad habit, but I just couldn’t stop. I felt bad during, but afterwards I would feel as if I had done something toward making my physical appearance better. I felt like I was doing something to help make me more of a “woman crush.” When I was actually crushing my self identity. Every time I went to the bathroom after eating, I was telling myself that I wasn’t good enough. I was telling myself that my superficial view of beauty was more important than my health.
I had to readjust my thinking, and this took years… It has taken me years to break a habit that took all of 5 minutes to start. And now I’m trying to break a number of other habits all for our baby girl. I want her image of herself to be healthy. I want her to understand that her beauty is not measured by any other standard than the one that she sets.
My goal is to never have her hear me degrade myself or my body in front of her. I know that she will hold on to what I do and not what I say. So l want to crush all of my negative habits. This includes jokingly talking about my body, but seriously meaning the lighthearted comments that we as women make in jest.
I NEVER want our daughter to ever feel less than any other person. I do not want her to feel the way I did growing up a little chunkier than everyone else. Right now, at this moment, she is perfect in every way. She’s our baby girl, our heart, and our joy. Her smile makes me smile, and her happiness is all I wish for. I wish for her, a lifetime of happiness. I wish for her, a lifetime of knowing she is beautiful by God’s standards and not the world’s. She is beautifully and wonderfully made in His image, and that is perfection at its best. I want her to be her own #wcw, but not just a woman crush on Wednesday, EVERYDAY!